They canceled it? Really?
I didn't even know the new season had started.
Well, there's something you don't see every day.
Yes, sir.
It's a nice outfit.
- It's very... - Civilian?
Well, yeah, that's one way of putting it.
So, what is this, girl's day out?
Well, yes, if I'm gonna integrate into Earth society,
we thought it was very important that I immerse myself
in the local cultural offerings.
And by "cultural offerings," you mean...
Pedicures, mochaccinos and Victoria's Secret.
Well, we're scheduled to go offworld in about an hour,
and, though you both look fantastic,
I suggest you might want to lose the heels.
Unscheduled offworld activation.
Ladies first.
Sir, we're receiving a video transmission.
Let's see it.
Hello? Hello? Is this thing working?
This is General Landry of Stargate Command.
General! It is a pleasure.
I don't get out to your end of the galaxy much,
but I have a friend who lives in the area and he speaks very highly of your people.
Maybe know him? A funny little guy with a beard, lives on a planet
formerly occupied by a female System Lord.
- I don't... - Rovak?
Robak? Does the name sound familiar?
No, it doesn't. Now, what's this about?
Sir, I have some information for you,
information that could impact the very survival of your world.
Jasec?
You know this man?
A little. He's my father.
Vala! Is that you?
Yes, it is.
Sweetheart, how is life treating you?
Certainly better than you ever did.
Ouch. I suppose, for the benefit of your friends there,
you're going to want to list all the reasons why I was such a bad father.
I wish I could, but a wormhole can only be maintained for 38 minutes.
You've got your father's wit.
It's hardly enough time to cover your inadequacies as both a parent
and a human being in general.
And your mother's uncanny ability to hold a grudge.
You said you had some information for us?
Yes. Let me through, and we'll discuss.
All right. Provided Vala will vouch for you.
I most certainly will not.
You'll want to hear this.
The information I have has to do with Arkad's plot to attack your planet.
Arkad is dead.
Well, he may be dead, but the threat he set in motion still exists.
Take your time. There's no pressure.
Just that your whole planet could very well blow up at any moment.
Chevron six encoded.
So, what's the deal with the accent?
Or, in your father's case, the lack thereof?
Well, the accent, like most of my other good qualities, I got from my mother,
my charm, my wit, my good looks.
- What'd you get from your dad? - Some minor food allergies.
Chevron seven locked.
- I have a bad feeling about this. - JASEC: Of course you do.
That's because I raised you to be cautious, wary.
- Mother raised me. - Which one?
My mother.
Right. Hug for Daddy?
You're lucky I'm not allowed to kill you.
Well, so much for happy family reunions.
What do you know about Arkad and the attacks he was planning?
Quite a lot. And I'm prepared to tell you everything I know
in exchange for sanctuary on Earth.
There's the angle.
Okay, I was a terrible husband and, admittedly,
probably not the best father figure, although I've seen worse.
But I've put all that behind me because I'm trying to change,
trying to better myself, which is why I'm here now, risking my life,
to tell you that before Arkad died
he sent out several naquadah-loaded cargo ships
in preparation for an attack on Earth.
And those cargo ships, my friends, are still out there, waiting to be launched,
and I know their location.
Can't you see what he's doing?
He's spent an entire lifetime taking advantage of people,
and now that they're finally catching up with him,
he thinks he can use us to hide from his enemies.
But that's not really the issue here.
No, Sam's right. If Jasec is telling the truth
and there's still a bunch of naquadah-loaded cargo ships out there,
then this deal is a no-brainer.
If he is telling the truth.
Thus far, the Jaffa have been unable to corroborate any part of his story.
Well, they wouldn't, if Arkad was careful enough to cover his tracks.
If the threat is real, we can't let any of those cargo ships blow up.
Time is of the essence.
Well, there is one way to find out if he's being straight with us.
All right, check it out.
If his intel is good, then Jasec has himself a deal.
Dr. Lam?
As you were, Sergeant.
Excuse me.
Carolyn, I've been thinking...
See, now, whenever you preface what you're about to say
with "I've been thinking," what you're actually doing is preparing me
for some revelation you've just had, so should I be sitting down for this?
It's been a while since I last spoke to your mother.
- Yeah, a little over five years. - We were married for 12.
What brought this on all of a sudden?
Well, I've been thinking about it ever since you came to work here,
about reaching out to your mother,
at least opening up some kind of communication with her.
Okay. So, how do you want to do this?
Well, I was thinking about giving her a call.
- Just like that? Just out of the blue? - No.
She's in Europe for a couple of weeks,
so when she gets back, why don't I call her and put in a good word for you?
Thank you.
You're welcome.
We've come all this way for nothing.
The cargo ships won't be there, my father will have played you all for fools,
and this will have been a giant waste of time.
Not entirely. If the ships aren't there, we'll have called his bluff,
and you can tell us that you were right all along.
You bet I will.
Entering high orbit. Scanning.
What've we got?
We're picking up only 12 life signs on the planet's surface.
That's it?
We're also picking up a significant concentration of naquadah.
These readings are through the roof.
Looks like the intel is good.
Sir, we're picking up movement.
We've been detected. They're making a break for it.
Those ships must not be allowed to escape.
- Lock onto their position and fire. - Yes, sir.
Missiles are tracking. Impact in five seconds.
Four, three, two, one, impact.
Sir? I'm reading a massive secondary explosion.
How much naquadah was down there?
General, you're making a terrible mistake,
but with all due respect, it's not too late to change your mind.
I made a deal. I'm not going back on my word.
Then might I suggest a more liberal interpretation of the agreement?
For instance, the word "sanctuary" could mean anything
from accommodations in an idyllic tropical setting,
to, say, a lifetime's incarceration
in one of these planets' more unpleasant penal facilities.
Forget it.
Okay, I'll go back for the rest of my stuff later.
I tell you, travel is becoming more and more difficult every day.
I'm General Landry. Jasec, welcome to Earth.
A fresh start on a brand new world.
I have a feeling I'm going to like it here very much.
Vala.
Come in.
General.
This came for you today.
Since when did you assume mail delivery duties at the base?
- It's from your father. - Oh.
I'll just file that away for later.
It's been three weeks since he came to Earth,
and you've ignored every attempt he's made to get in touch with you.
Well, I've been terribly busy.
I think family should always come first.
I learned that the hard way.
How?
Were you absent for the first three years of your daughter's life
because you were too busy running scams out of the Nylus sector?
No, but I did allow my career to take precedent over the things
that should have been more important to me, birthdays, anniversaries,
my daughter's graduation.
No offense, General, but there really is no comparison.
You had a legitimate occupation.
My father's career choice was decidedly less noble.
He'd be gone for months at a time,
only to return to lay low or to hide from the people he had swindled.
What were things like when he was at home?
Well, I actually looked forward to the times
that he would grace us with his presence.
I was young and he was my father.
Sometimes he'd return late in the middle of the night,
and I would wake to find him asleep at the foot of my bed.
I was so excited I couldn't wait until morning,
and I would prod him awake and make him tell me all about his great adventures.
He'd always have something for me, too, a fancy ring, a pretty necklace,
things that he'd bring back from his many travels.
I treasured those keepsakes,
memories of my father that I kept stored away under my bed,
until I was old enough to see them for what they really were,
worthless trinkets meant to curry my favor.
He might feel differently about that.
You don't know him.
No. I don't.
But I do know that he spent every day of the last three weeks
trying to get in touch with you,
which tells me that you must be very important to him,
possibly much more than you know.
You have some good memories of the times you spent together
when you were a little girl.
Those times count, too.
Colonel Mitchell. Dr. Jackson. Thanks for coming. Entrez.
- We interrupting something? - No, we're just enjoying a quiet little...
- B 10! - Bingo!
B 10.
All right, ladies. We've got to call it a day. Come on.
Pay the winner. Read them and weep.
All fair and square.
Every Tuesday and Thursday,
I host a little bingo afternoon for some of the seniors in the building.
Gets them out of their apartments. Thank you. No running in the hall.
You know, it gives them a chance to socialize.
It's good for them. No loud parties after midnight.
Bless their decrepit little hearts. That's it.
Be careful. A lot of cross-traffic in the halls today.
Whoa, whoa, Hazel. You're a little light.
Money confuses her when it's going out.
See you next time. Same time, Thursday.
And to make up for today, I'm waiving the cover charge.
Yeah, settling in quite nicely, thanks.
Yeah, we heard you haven't exactly been a model citizen.
- I'm not sure what you're referring to. - The charity phone scam.
- Little Pepito needs a new set of kidneys... - Right.
Well, see, the Air Force provides me with a mere pittance.
It's hardly enough to live on. I'm just looking to supplement my income.
Okay, there've been a few lapses in judgment, but darn it, I'm working on it,
and I just wish Vala could see that.
That's where you guys come in.
Yeah, we figured that's why you asked us over.
Well, you're her friends. She trusts you.
You want us to talk to her for you?
Well, I was going to suggest tricking her into coming here,
but if you really think talking will work...
Please, guys. I really need to see my little girl.
If it's a matter of expenses, we can talk about that later, if you get my drift.
We're not putting anything on paper, of course, but give it some thought.
I appreciate it.
Good news. I got a call from Mom, and she'll be in Colorado Springs on Friday.
She will?
Yes, she's passing through, and she's agreed to have dinner with you.
She has?
Well, so long as I come along, yeah.
- Okay, I thought you'd be thrilled. - No, I am. No, that's...
No, it's great news.
Okay. So I'll make a dinner reservation for Friday night, somewhere nice?
- Yeah. Yeah. - Okay.
And you know that brown sports jacket
that you have with the patches on the sleeves?
Don't wear that.
- Where have you been? - Your father's place.
So, he wanted you to talk to me on his behalf, didn't he?
- Yeah. Look, he really wants to... - You needn't bother.
Look, you two obviously have some unresolved issues.
I've already decided to pay him a visit.
Coming.
Oh, no.
I'm coming.
Well, this is a surprise.
I have not come seeking reconciliation or some deeper understanding
of your contemptible behavior in my formative years.
I have come for one thing and one thing only.
Well, if it's chicken casserole, you're in luck because I just...
Catharsis. To that end.
How dare you implicate yourself in my life after all these years?
You were never there for Mother,
even though you always expected us to be there for you
whenever you needed a place to hide,
or capital to help set up one of your latest scams.
My life has been a constant struggle
against the personal issues that you seeded.
And now that I am at Stargate Command, and I am finally happy with who I am,
you think you can come along and jeopardize everything
I've worked so hard to achieve.
Under no circumstances will I allow you to screw that up for me.
Wow. Did you rehearse that?
A little.
- Right. I'm done. - That's it? You're gonna leave?
But I made pie.
Well, I've said everything I needed to say.
But if it was just a matter of getting all that off your chest,
you could have just as easily sent me a letter,
but you went to the effort to come see me.
Coming here was only to please my friends at Stargate Command
and stop them from giving me any more unsolicited advice.
Yes, it must be wonderful to have friends who care about you,
who support you in times of need, who believe in you.
I earned their trust.
At least you had the opportunity. You won't even give me that.
You don't deserve it.
I don't suppose there's anything I could say or do
that would convince you that I'm not lying, that I'm honestly trying to change.
No, there isn't.
Well, then, before you go, this is for you.
I got it from a trader on Meronat.
You know, that little world with the twin suns
I used to take you to.
- I remember Meronat. - Do you still have your little treasure box?
Where you would store all the gifts I used to bring you
when you were just a little girl?
No. I threw that away a long time ago.
I understand. Well, thanks for coming.
And even though it's too late, I want you to know I'm sorry.
- Having second thoughts? - No.
- I think the door is locked. - It sticks a little.
- There you go. - Goodbye, Jasec.
For once in the last 20 years, could you call me Dad?
You haven't earned that right yet.
Yet.
I'll be in touch.
Vala. I think you're gonna wanna see this.
I found this on the Internet.
It's time to tap into the source
by unlocking the power of stardust.
Yes, genuine stardust!
The very same stardust celebrities and professional athletes use
to tap into the power of the alpha force,
the core energy of the universe.
Tap into the source.
Each specially treated vial contains four full grams of authentic stardust
for only $19.95!
That's only $19.95 for a vial of genuine stardust.
Tap into the source.
It wasn't real stardust.
That's the point. You're running a scam.
Well, now, that's a matter of interpretation.
The way I see it, I'm selling people hope.
No. You're selling glitter shavings in a tube for 20 bucks a pop.
Plus shipping and handling.
Look, you are a guest on this planet, and as long as you are a guest,
you're gonna follow some rules.
Come on, a guy's got to make a living.
The next thing you know, you're going to tell me I can't publish my diet book.
It's an "Eat For Your Eye Color" diet. I just lined up a publisher.
We're killing the book deal, and if you keep this up,
the next deal we kill is going to be the one with you.
Fine, no more scams.
Teal'c is waiting to escort you out.
Yes, I...
I appreciate this second chance.
Third chance.
Are you sure? I could've sworn it was...
Right. Pepito.
Come this way. Do you play poker? Are you familiar with the game 21?
- May I offer you a word of advice? - Hello. Hi.
Any input that would help me better myself would be greatly appreciated.
Perhaps three words. Be less annoying.
And if you have no intention of reforming your ways,
which I suspect that you do not,
perhaps it is best that you have nothing more to do with your daughter.
Let me tell you something, big boy, my daughter and I have an understanding,
an unspoken bond that...
She'll get over it.
Vala! Are you free on Friday night?
Say yes, I got two tickets to this "Virginia Dialogues" show.
I don't know much about it, but the tickets are very hard to get.
To think I was just starting to believe in you.
I'm trying to change. It's an ongoing process.
So, what are you doing Friday night?
- That's the last of them. - Thank you. Vala?
Have a seat, please?
- How're you doing? - Fine.
- Why wouldn't I be? - Well, you're obviously disappointed.
Right, yeah. No, not in Jasec. His actions didn't really surprise me.
More in myself for even considering the possibility
that he might be telling the truth.
- Maybe he was. - No, he lied.
He said he was trying to change.
Well, change isn't easy. I think you of all people should know that.
Right, so you want to draw parallels between him and I,
our equally disreputable pasts, our similar desires to reform.
Yeah, there's that.
Daniel, I'm a different person than I was two years ago
because I genuinely wanted to change.
I didn't see it as a means of escape.
No? So, you're telling me your decision had nothing to do
with the desire to stop running and live a semi-normal life?
- You don't know Jasec the way I do. - No, you're right.
In fact, you probably know him better than you think.
After all, you, better than anybody, must know what it's like
to have to resist the temptation of falling back on your old ways.
I'm sure it hasn't been easy for you, either.
Jasec, it's Vala.
Should we come back?
No.
Excuse me.
Too easy.
Jasec?
Dad?
Hello? He's not in here.
I knew it.
He's removed his ankle monitor.
I told you he's been playing you for fools all along.
Actually, you were starting to believe him, too.
If he's decided to leave, it's unlikely we'll find him again.
I wouldn't be so sure about that.
During his initial physical,
Dr. Lam implanted him with a subcutaneous transmitter.
Just in case.
You didn't trust him, but you talked me into coming here anyway?
Hey, he's not my father. Sam, it's Daniel.
- What's going on? - Jasec's on the run.
His locator signal places him approximately six miles
west of Colorado Springs.
- Have we dispatched a team to the area? - Yeah, Daniel and Vala just got there.
Daniel?
We've parked and we're proceeding on foot.
You're headed right for him.
One, let's start over again. There's seven total.
Three for you, three for me, one for me, it's for the house, as we call it.
I didn't know your father had any friends here on Earth.
Neither did I.
You can't go back on this deal. We had an arrangement.
Look, do you have a superior I could talk to?
Jasec?
Jaffa.
Jasec was carrying that with him.
It's a short-range communicator he probably used to contact the Jaffa.
No doubt he snuck it in with his personal effects.
Turns out we didn't destroy all of the ships intended for the attack.
One of them was dispatched early, and it's been sitting somewhere here on Earth
waiting for the order to strike.
And he knew this all along?
He got his intel from some heavily-involved Jaffa
who were having second thoughts about the whole thing.
Apparently, he knew them from some weapon-smuggling operation
he used to run.
He found out about the cargo ships and made a deal with us
so he could come to Earth.
Where he made a deal with the Jaffa, they'd give him the naquadah,
he would sell it, and they would split the proceeds.
Nice and tidy.
Where's this cargo ship located?
He doesn't know. The Jaffa he was with was his contact, and he's gone, so...
Can't we just locate this cargo ship the same way we did the others?
No, that won't work this time.
This particular cargo ship is cloaked,
so doing an orbital scan won't reveal any trace of the naquadah.
But Jasec claims that Arkad marked the naquadah
to make sure that none of his men would try to double-cross him.
He says he can calibrate our detection systems
to pick up its unique energy signature.
Just out of interest, what did he ask for in return?
We recover the naquadah, we give it to him, he sells it,
and we split the profits 50-50.
And what was your counter-offer?
He gets zero, and we don't lock him away for the rest of his life.
He took the offer.
See, you've cast too wide a variance.
- If you just narrow the parameters. - Narrow the parameters?
That's genius.
I don't know about genius. It's just marginally brilliant.
Now, if I can just figure out how to sync it up.
I'm sure it'll come to you.
- So how are the readings coming along? - Slowly.
It's no wonder. I don't mind telling you, I'm a bit disappointed in this facility.
I was expecting more.
Well, at times, so do we.
But the truth is, the Stargate program just doesn't get the support
it used to from the people in charge.
- Why not? - Eureka!
One down, 12 to go.
That's too bad, because after all your Stargate program
has accomplished for this network of planets,
I would think the decision-makers would show it the respect it deserves.
Yeah.
Say, how would you like to go out to dinner with me once this is all over?
- I don't think so. - Why not?
Well, I'm an incredibly busy person with very little free time.
And you're a jerk.
Of course there's that.
Look, I'm sorry I had to trick you, but if you'd known what I had planned,
you would have never let me on this planet.
I'm talking about the way you treated Vala.
To think that for the first time since she was a child
she was actually beginning to trust you.
Hello?
Hi. Just calling to remind you about dinner tonight.
Dinner? Tonight?
You forgot?
No, no. No. It's just that something very important has come up.
I think we might be better off rescheduling.
Mom heads back tomorrow morning. We can't reschedule.
I'm dealing with a major situation here.
Okay. What do you want me to tell her?
Tell her I'll be there.
Sir, we've finished calibrating the device, and we've got a lock on their location.
They're approximately 30 miles outside of Cheyenne Mountain.
It seems that one of the targets was their stargate.
Tell them I'll send in some tactical units.
I wouldn't.
If the Jaffa suspect they're about to be compromised,
I have no doubt they'll detonate the naquadah.
I would suggest using a little stealth and cunning to take them off-guard,
- and I'd be happy to help out. - No, thanks.
Well, like it or not, you're going to need my help.
Some of these Jaffa know me. They trust me.
And there's also the matter of the rigged cargo ship.
This is the first I've heard of it, sir.
Are you sure? I thought I'd mentioned it.
According to Te'rak, the cargo ship is rigged to blow
in the event anyone tries to move it.
Now, fortunately for you, I have the override code.
Please, General, let me help.
Give me this one final shot at redemption.
This is nice.
It reminds me of that afternoon we spent on Serras-Dia.
Running for our lives from the authorities?
You've got to admit it was great daddy-daughter time.
As I recall, we would not have been on the run
had you not been greedy and gone back for seconds.
I couldn't help myself.
You know, you couldn't even pull off this simple naquadah deal
without complicating things with your silly little side scams.
- You always were so sloppy. - Vala?
Yes, Sam?
The naquadah signal is emanating
approximately a half-mile north of your position.
I'll confirm visual sighting. Requesting radio silence.
Stargate Command, this is Teal'c.
I have delivered the package to the appointed area.
Good. Keep me apprised of any developments.
Sir, do you have to be somewhere?
Whatever happened to that boy you used to like?
The one whose father was a merchant?
I always thought you two would end up together.
Veron Karn? We were 10 and he moved away.
That's too bad. I saw a lot of potential in him.
Can you stop trying to endear yourself to me?
As far as I'm concerned, you're a lost cause,
and I wouldn't be surprised
if you were somehow involved in Arkad's plot against Earth.
That would be low, even for me.
I have no idea what you're capable of.
Hey, fellows. It's me, Jasec.
Me and my partner, actually, my daughter. Isn't she pretty?
We're here to check out the merchandise. Is that okay?
There's been a change of plans, Jasec,
and unfortunately, you're no longer part of this new arrangement.
Jasec, you idiot.
- That's the signal. - Let's go.
There's no need for you to carry on with your attack,
because Arkad is dead and there's no need to sacrifice yourselves.
Or the naquadah. Let's talk deal.
I believe that was Te'rak's intention before he disappeared.
Really? I hope he's all right. He probably just got lost.
These woods are very confusing. You can get turned around so easily.
Enough!
Wait. I can't watch my daughter die.
I can't watch me die, either.
Thanks, honey.
Vala! Get to the ship!
I've located the cargo ship.
Hold it.
The naquadah on that ship is rigged to blow
unless I input the override code Te'rak gave me.
- All right. I'm coming with you. - No, I'm not going to risk your life, too.
Listen to your father for once.
Here. In case I don't make it.
Drat!
Jasec?
Sorry, sweetheart. There never was an override code.
Take care of yourself. Daddy loves you.
Hey.
- You okay? - Yes. Did everything go as planned?
It did on our end. Sam?
The real cargo ship is secure.
I guess we won't be needing that override code?
- No, you won't. - Sorry, Vala.
Come on.
We're all good, sir.
Glad to hear it. Good job, SG-1, and... Landry out!
- You're late. - I got away as soon as I could.
You're here.
And that's what counts.
Please.
- Thank you for coming. - Thank you for inviting me.
- Carolyn. - Dad.
We have a lot to talk about.
We do, Kim.
Well, you've had long enough to look over the merchandise.
What are you offering for this cargo ship full of weapons-grade naquadah?
You mean a cargo ship full of lead bars and these things?
This is a surprise.
They've included the Jibbaran virility enhancers.
Well, that's a bonus. Go ahead, try a sample.
I understand they're very powerful.
Can you feel it working?
Yes, I can.
Let's talk deal.
I may keep a couple of these for myself.
Better to have them and not need them,
than to need them and not have them, right?
We talk the same language, right?
Just a minute.
Come in.
- Hi. - Hi. What's this?
- Girl's night in. - Nice.
- So, how're you doing? - Great.
Yeah, wonderful. Everything went according to plan.
We led Jasec to the decoy ship while you secured the real one.
He scammed us, but we scammed him better.
Cheers.
So where are the boys tonight?
Cameron has a date, Daniel's exhausted, and Teal'c got tickets to some show.
My girlfriends and I talk about a lot of things.
There's just one topic we rarely discuss.
Vaginas.
And I asked myself, "Why is that? Why don't we talk about vaginas?"
Why are work and kids and holiday plans more acceptable topics of conversation
than our own vaginas?
And I didn't have an answer, so I took it upon myself to find out.
I started to talk about vaginas at work, at home,
sometimes even at fancy restaurants.
Soon, my friends started to talk about vaginas as well,
and it was only a matter of time before it became a hot conversation topic.
No matter where I went, it was "vagina this", "vagina that,"
vagina, vagina, vagina...