1 00:00:05,362 --> 00:00:09,833 - (Carter) How about Monday morning? - I have a thing with someone from CIA. 2 00:00:09,922 --> 00:00:13,756 Johnson someone or other. It's about that whole Kinsey thing. 3 00:00:13,842 --> 00:00:18,472 - So, any big plans for the weekend? - Oh, yeah. Big. Huge! 4 00:00:18,562 --> 00:00:20,712 - Me neither. - What are you talking about? 5 00:00:20,802 --> 00:00:24,715 I just walked in with a whole handful of ingredients for my famous omelette. 6 00:00:24,802 --> 00:00:26,952 Famous, huh? What's in it? 7 00:00:27,042 --> 00:00:31,832 - Eggs. - I don't think that qualifies as a recipe. 8 00:00:31,922 --> 00:00:35,392 Don't kid yourself. There's a secret ingredient. 9 00:00:35,482 --> 00:00:38,121 I can't tell you what it is or I'd have to shoot you. 10 00:00:38,202 --> 00:00:39,601 It's beer, isn't it? 11 00:00:39,682 --> 00:00:41,559 - Carter... - (door opens) 12 00:00:45,642 --> 00:00:48,839 - Let me call you back. - I knew it. 13 00:00:49,842 --> 00:00:51,321 Hello. 14 00:00:51,402 --> 00:00:54,599 - You're Jack O'Neill. - Yes. 15 00:00:54,682 --> 00:00:57,640 Here's a better question: Who are you? 16 00:00:57,722 --> 00:00:59,713 It doesn't matter. To anyone. 17 00:00:59,802 --> 00:01:04,080 All you need to know is... (voice quivering) you ruined my life. 18 00:02:19,122 --> 00:02:22,353 We should have gotten here earlier. 19 00:02:22,442 --> 00:02:24,433 Honey, it's 7:00am! 20 00:02:25,642 --> 00:02:31,558 Joe, start over there. See if you can find a lamp that would work in the TV room. 21 00:02:32,562 --> 00:02:37,158 Oh, my Lord, look! They have those old English tea tins. 22 00:03:05,842 --> 00:03:08,720 - (PA) Security breached. - They got corridor C-9 open. 23 00:03:08,802 --> 00:03:10,633 Let's go. 24 00:03:10,722 --> 00:03:12,713 (Stargate alarm) 25 00:03:29,802 --> 00:03:32,236 Excuse me. 26 00:03:32,322 --> 00:03:34,199 How much? 27 00:03:34,282 --> 00:03:38,833 (Joe) So, there's this fella who walks into a bar and sees an ape sitting there. 28 00:03:40,882 --> 00:03:43,476 Sorry, no. He sees a gorilla. 29 00:03:43,562 --> 00:03:48,920 That's it. Right. There's this gorilla sitting there drinking a Coke. 30 00:03:49,922 --> 00:03:52,800 So, he says to the bartender, 31 00:03:52,882 --> 00:03:56,352 "Hey, what's with that gorilla drinking that drink?" 32 00:03:56,442 --> 00:04:01,755 Well, the bartender says, "Yeah, that ape usually orders a Coke." 33 00:04:04,002 --> 00:04:06,470 I mean, a beer. "...usually orders a beer." 34 00:04:06,562 --> 00:04:09,838 Boss, is it an ape or a gorilla? They're different species. 35 00:04:09,922 --> 00:04:12,038 It doesn't matter. The point is... 36 00:04:12,122 --> 00:04:16,001 The point is, Joe, it's a good thing you can cut hair. 37 00:04:16,082 --> 00:04:19,233 (Joe) Very good. 38 00:04:19,322 --> 00:04:21,790 - Are we about done here? - All set. 39 00:04:22,802 --> 00:04:26,636 Cos someone, somewhere out there, needs themselves a new car, 40 00:04:26,722 --> 00:04:29,475 whether they know it or not - you know what I mean? 41 00:04:29,562 --> 00:04:33,237 I feel the power to sell moving through me today. 42 00:04:33,322 --> 00:04:35,836 - Boys, it's been a slice. - (Joe) Thanks, Fred. 43 00:04:35,922 --> 00:04:38,117 See you, Fred. 44 00:04:46,762 --> 00:04:48,878 (Apophis, distorted) Bow down now, 45 00:04:48,962 --> 00:04:51,556 and show your reverence for my son. 46 00:04:55,762 --> 00:04:58,720 The mighty warrior Klorel. 47 00:05:00,442 --> 00:05:02,876 Kel, Apophis. 48 00:05:20,082 --> 00:05:23,597 (Joe's wife) We are reading the best book in book club this week. 49 00:05:23,682 --> 00:05:27,994 It's called The Heart of a Woman. It is such a powerful story. 50 00:05:28,082 --> 00:05:30,801 - Every time I think about it... - Wanna hear a story? 51 00:05:30,882 --> 00:05:34,158 Sure, dear. What happened to you today at the shop? 52 00:05:34,242 --> 00:05:38,394 - No, it's not work-related. I have a story. - What do you mean? 53 00:05:38,482 --> 00:05:41,679 You know, like in those books you read, only different. 54 00:05:42,362 --> 00:05:43,875 OK, sure. 55 00:05:44,562 --> 00:05:48,350 It's about a team of adventurers known as SG-1. 56 00:05:49,002 --> 00:05:54,315 They travel to other planets, through an alien device known as a Stargate. 57 00:05:54,402 --> 00:05:58,315 Their leader is the fearless Colonel Jack... 58 00:05:58,402 --> 00:06:00,393 O'Neill, prepare yourself for... 59 00:06:02,722 --> 00:06:04,917 extreme deceleration. 60 00:06:05,002 --> 00:06:06,993 Yeah. Thanks, Teal'c. 61 00:06:12,162 --> 00:06:15,552 (Klorel, distorted) You will get to see your home one last time... 62 00:06:16,282 --> 00:06:21,640 before you and everyone on your planet are destroyed... 63 00:06:22,842 --> 00:06:27,472 and your kind will disturb the Goa'uld no more. 64 00:06:33,642 --> 00:06:36,998 - So who are the Goa'uld again? - The bad guys. 65 00:06:37,082 --> 00:06:39,118 And this Skaara character? 66 00:06:39,202 --> 00:06:42,080 Yeah. I thought you said his name was Klorel. 67 00:06:42,162 --> 00:06:46,952 I know it's a little complicated. Just wait. I haven't gotten to the good part yet. 68 00:06:47,042 --> 00:06:48,794 (O'Neill) Skaara! 69 00:07:03,202 --> 00:07:06,956 Oh, Skaara... I'm sorry. 70 00:07:07,042 --> 00:07:08,634 That's it? 71 00:07:08,722 --> 00:07:11,236 I think so. For now, anyways. 72 00:07:11,322 --> 00:07:13,358 What happens to Earth? 73 00:07:13,442 --> 00:07:16,912 I don't know. I mean, I haven't figured that part out yet. 74 00:07:17,002 --> 00:07:20,312 You gotta finish it. You can't just end a story in the middle. 75 00:07:20,402 --> 00:07:25,556 I tell you what. You get all your chores done, and I'll finish the story tomorrow. 76 00:07:25,642 --> 00:07:27,792 Chores?! What are we? Amish? 77 00:07:28,682 --> 00:07:32,675 - Andy! - Go... go do your homework. 78 00:07:37,562 --> 00:07:39,678 He's gotten so precocious. 79 00:07:40,922 --> 00:07:42,913 You hated it, didn't ya? 80 00:07:43,002 --> 00:07:45,960 Well, I'm not the biggest science-fiction fan. 81 00:07:46,042 --> 00:07:48,602 But no, no, it was... 82 00:07:48,682 --> 00:07:52,561 It was just so detailed. How did you come up with it? 83 00:07:53,402 --> 00:07:57,315 Honestly, I don't know. It just sort of popped into my head. 84 00:07:58,002 --> 00:08:00,516 That's amazing, really. 85 00:08:02,322 --> 00:08:06,156 - What didn't you like about it? - Don't get me wrong. It was exciting. 86 00:08:06,242 --> 00:08:10,155 It's just that I like stories that are more about interpersonal relations 87 00:08:10,242 --> 00:08:14,030 and a little less to do with things blowing up. 88 00:08:14,122 --> 00:08:17,194 A giant fireball in the night sky! 89 00:08:21,002 --> 00:08:24,995 - You say these folks are a military unit? - They're part of the US Air Force. 90 00:08:25,082 --> 00:08:27,471 But they travel to other planets. 91 00:08:27,562 --> 00:08:31,191 - Through the Stargate. - Which is a time-travel machine. 92 00:08:31,282 --> 00:08:34,354 It's an alien device that creates a stable wormhole, 93 00:08:34,442 --> 00:08:37,002 allowing instantaneous travel to other worlds. 94 00:08:37,082 --> 00:08:40,358 - Time has nothing to do with it. - Boss, a question. 95 00:08:40,442 --> 00:08:43,354 - These Gool... - Goa'uld. 96 00:08:43,442 --> 00:08:46,354 - Goa'ol. - Goa'uld. 97 00:08:46,442 --> 00:08:48,478 Never mind. The bad guys. 98 00:08:48,562 --> 00:08:50,917 - They got snakes in their heads? - Symbiotes. 99 00:08:51,002 --> 00:08:53,118 And the fellas with ones in their bellies? 100 00:08:53,202 --> 00:08:57,400 The Jaffa. They incubate the symbiotes until they're ready for implantation. 101 00:08:57,482 --> 00:09:00,121 Now you see, Joe, that's confusing. 102 00:09:00,202 --> 00:09:03,353 He's right. Why can't there be just one kind of bad guy? 103 00:09:03,442 --> 00:09:06,320 Snake goes in the head, makes 'em evil, the end. 104 00:09:06,402 --> 00:09:08,552 - Call 'em the Snake People. - Yeah. 105 00:09:08,642 --> 00:09:11,918 They're not called the Snake People. They're called the Goa'uld. 106 00:09:12,002 --> 00:09:17,315 And the Jaffa are enslaved warriors who mistakenly believe the Goa'uld are gods. 107 00:09:17,402 --> 00:09:19,757 And it's not confusing, it's complex! 108 00:09:23,002 --> 00:09:26,233 Uh... edge of my seat, the whole time. 109 00:09:30,402 --> 00:09:33,553 (man) United States Air Force. How may I direct your call? 110 00:09:33,642 --> 00:09:36,554 Hi. I'm trying to reach one of your officers, 111 00:09:36,642 --> 00:09:41,113 a Colonel Jack O'Neill - two L's. 112 00:09:41,202 --> 00:09:44,000 May I have your name and the nature of your call? 113 00:09:44,082 --> 00:09:45,834 - My name? - Yes, please. 114 00:09:45,922 --> 00:09:47,719 Uh... 115 00:09:47,802 --> 00:09:49,679 Right. Right, of course. 116 00:09:49,762 --> 00:09:52,230 My name is Joe... Smith. 117 00:09:52,322 --> 00:09:55,678 Listen, I realise Colonel O'Neill is probably unavailable, 118 00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:59,801 off on some important mission, but... I know this is an odd request. 119 00:09:59,882 --> 00:10:03,716 I mean, I don't know if you know Colonel O'Neill personally, but... 120 00:10:03,802 --> 00:10:05,793 could you describe him to me? 121 00:10:05,882 --> 00:10:10,751 You know - height, weight, shoe size, sense of humour, that sort of thing. 122 00:10:10,842 --> 00:10:13,231 I really can't do that, sir. 123 00:10:13,322 --> 00:10:16,553 Oh, of course. Sure. National security. 124 00:10:16,642 --> 00:10:18,633 Now, am I understanding correctly 125 00:10:18,722 --> 00:10:23,716 that there really is a Colonel Jack O'Neill in the air force? 126 00:10:24,282 --> 00:10:26,921 Is there a message you'd like to leave for him? 127 00:10:27,002 --> 00:10:28,993 That's fine. Thank you. 128 00:10:37,962 --> 00:10:43,082 So, in the end, Rya'c was freed from Apophis's control. 129 00:10:44,602 --> 00:10:48,515 Teal'c, Drey'auc and Rya'c were once again a family. 130 00:10:48,602 --> 00:10:51,241 But Teal'c is still going back to Stargate Command 131 00:10:51,322 --> 00:10:54,359 - to fight for the freedom of the Jaffa? - Yes, of course. 132 00:10:54,442 --> 00:10:57,878 He'll take Drey'auc and Rya'c to a place where they'll be safe. 133 00:10:57,962 --> 00:11:00,874 So the Goa'uld won't put any more bombs in Rya'c's teeth? 134 00:11:00,962 --> 00:11:03,351 That's right. Now, go to sleep. 135 00:11:06,362 --> 00:11:08,637 Cool story, Dad. 136 00:11:23,642 --> 00:11:26,634 Joe, where do you get these ideas you've had lately? 137 00:11:27,362 --> 00:11:31,196 - I don't know. - Fully formed ideas, plots, characters. 138 00:11:31,282 --> 00:11:34,638 - They just appear in your head? - Basically. 139 00:11:39,602 --> 00:11:41,991 Why are you looking at me like that? 140 00:11:42,082 --> 00:11:45,552 I think you've gotten in touch with your dormant creativity, 141 00:11:45,642 --> 00:11:48,600 accessed your wellspring of imagination. 142 00:11:48,682 --> 00:11:51,242 - What? - I've read about this happening. 143 00:11:51,322 --> 00:11:54,075 You're opening yourself up to your inner muse. 144 00:11:54,762 --> 00:11:56,753 My inner muse? 145 00:11:56,842 --> 00:11:59,356 - It's your midlife crisis. - It is? 146 00:11:59,442 --> 00:12:04,391 Except, instead of chasing your youth by buying a sports car or going hang-gliding, 147 00:12:04,482 --> 00:12:08,441 you're seeking immortality through creativity. 148 00:12:08,522 --> 00:12:11,320 - We can't afford a sports car. - It's a good thing. 149 00:12:11,402 --> 00:12:16,715 Especially if it means you're not gonna have an affair with a younger woman. 150 00:12:19,522 --> 00:12:23,993 Wait a sec. You said Teal'c put his face up to that head-grabber thing before O'Neill. 151 00:12:24,082 --> 00:12:27,154 - Why didn't he get grabbed first? - Guys, I told you. 152 00:12:27,242 --> 00:12:29,233 Save your questions until I finish. 153 00:12:29,322 --> 00:12:33,156 Now, what was left of Colonel O'Neill's mind 154 00:12:33,242 --> 00:12:35,961 managed to dial a gate address. 155 00:12:36,042 --> 00:12:39,637 One they had never dialled before. 156 00:12:39,722 --> 00:12:41,314 Arrrgh! 157 00:12:52,642 --> 00:12:55,998 The Asgard? Those little grey guys. Right. 158 00:12:56,082 --> 00:12:58,755 Shut up and let him finish, Bert. 159 00:13:02,362 --> 00:13:04,080 And... 160 00:13:05,082 --> 00:13:07,277 I don't want to sound ungrateful, 161 00:13:07,362 --> 00:13:12,356 because I really, really appreciate you getting all that stuff out of my head. 162 00:13:15,122 --> 00:13:18,114 But you folks should understand... 163 00:13:20,202 --> 00:13:22,511 that we're out there now. 164 00:13:24,442 --> 00:13:27,559 We might not be ready for a lot of this stuff, 165 00:13:27,642 --> 00:13:30,554 but we're doing the best we can. 166 00:13:50,282 --> 00:13:55,402 You have already taken the first steps towards becoming the fifth race. 167 00:13:59,842 --> 00:14:02,481 And the Furlings? Are we gonna hear about them? 168 00:14:02,562 --> 00:14:07,272 Of course. I'm sure we'll... we'll hear lots of stories about them. 169 00:14:08,442 --> 00:14:11,400 I mean, I'll make one up. 170 00:14:12,482 --> 00:14:15,076 Furlings. They sound cute. 171 00:14:15,162 --> 00:14:17,153 Like Ewoks. 172 00:14:27,362 --> 00:14:30,160 Andy, finish up, or you're gonna miss your bus. 173 00:14:30,242 --> 00:14:32,312 - Good morning. - Good morning. 174 00:14:32,402 --> 00:14:36,475 I want that lawn done today, mister. It looks like a wheat field's growing. 175 00:14:36,562 --> 00:14:38,553 After school, Mom. I promise. 176 00:14:38,642 --> 00:14:43,193 Son, you get that lawn finished, and I'll tell you all about the Reetou. 177 00:14:43,282 --> 00:14:45,273 Cool! 178 00:14:46,122 --> 00:14:48,317 See you, Mom. See you, Dad. 179 00:14:52,362 --> 00:14:55,638 - The Reetou? - Foothold situation at the SGC. 180 00:14:56,402 --> 00:15:01,032 Don't take this the wrong way, but maybe you should cut back on the storytelling. 181 00:15:01,122 --> 00:15:03,238 - Why? - Nothing, it's just... 182 00:15:03,322 --> 00:15:06,120 Well, I've heard a few comments from people in town. 183 00:15:06,202 --> 00:15:07,396 What people? 184 00:15:07,482 --> 00:15:12,636 Not everyone wants to hear about SG-1 every time they come in for a haircut. 185 00:15:12,722 --> 00:15:14,952 They like hearing my stories! 186 00:15:15,042 --> 00:15:19,240 Maybe they're just being polite, dear. And it's not just at the shop. 187 00:15:19,322 --> 00:15:23,713 Sam at the drugstore said you talk his ear off. And Marjory at the bank. 188 00:15:23,802 --> 00:15:28,432 - And Lenny at the gas station. - Sharlene, you said to follow my muse. 189 00:15:28,522 --> 00:15:33,073 - Now you want me to stop? - What if you write them down? 190 00:15:33,162 --> 00:15:35,437 You mean, like a... writer? 191 00:15:35,522 --> 00:15:39,117 Put them on paper. You can have them in the shop, like the magazines. 192 00:15:39,202 --> 00:15:42,319 That way, if people want to read them, they can. 193 00:15:59,682 --> 00:16:04,472 - Sir, the timing has to be exact. - It's gonna have to be close enough. Go! 194 00:16:06,562 --> 00:16:08,553 (gunshots) 195 00:16:15,962 --> 00:16:19,796 (typing) "Young Lieutenant Hammond... 196 00:16:20,802 --> 00:16:22,793 "faced a tough decision. 197 00:16:23,802 --> 00:16:30,753 "Yet the strange foursome hardly seemed like Soviet spies." 198 00:16:30,842 --> 00:16:33,515 Honey, it's three in the morning. Come to bed. 199 00:16:33,602 --> 00:16:35,672 Just let me finish this story. 200 00:16:35,762 --> 00:16:39,675 That's what you said last night. You've got to get up in four hours. 201 00:16:39,762 --> 00:16:44,836 How are you gonna cut people's hair if you're dead on your feet all day? 202 00:16:44,922 --> 00:16:46,321 Joe? 203 00:16:46,402 --> 00:16:48,393 In a minute. 204 00:17:02,682 --> 00:17:06,357 (Joe) "They embraced, and he looked into her eyes one last time. 205 00:17:07,042 --> 00:17:09,317 "He walked away with sadness in his heart. 206 00:17:09,402 --> 00:17:14,237 "And she watched him go, wondering if she would ever see him again. The end." 207 00:17:14,322 --> 00:17:16,756 (woman) That poor woman. 208 00:17:16,842 --> 00:17:19,993 Do you think... she was with child? 209 00:17:20,922 --> 00:17:24,119 You'll just have to wait until the sequel. 210 00:17:24,202 --> 00:17:28,195 - You've gotta be kidding me! - What? I got something in my eye. 211 00:17:28,282 --> 00:17:33,197 You're such a softy. See you tonight, honey. 212 00:17:33,282 --> 00:17:35,273 - Bye. - Bye, Cindy. 213 00:17:39,082 --> 00:17:40,640 - Morning. - (Joe) Calvin. 214 00:17:40,722 --> 00:17:45,716 Joe, looks like you got some letters from those magazines in New York. 215 00:17:56,562 --> 00:17:59,201 "Thank you for your submission. 216 00:17:59,282 --> 00:18:01,637 "Unfortunately... blah, blah, blah." 217 00:18:01,722 --> 00:18:04,031 "Thank you for your interest. Best of luck." 218 00:18:04,122 --> 00:18:07,831 You shouldn't have sent in this one about Seth. It wasn't one of your best. 219 00:18:07,922 --> 00:18:11,312 They rejected "Hathor"? But it was gold! 220 00:18:19,682 --> 00:18:21,320 - Dad! - I'm writing. 221 00:18:21,402 --> 00:18:23,438 Seriously, you've got to see this. 222 00:18:23,522 --> 00:18:27,037 (TV) Prepare for an x-treme adventure. 223 00:18:27,122 --> 00:18:29,158 - What? - Check it out. 224 00:18:36,642 --> 00:18:41,716 Four x-cellent heroes in an x-traordinary new sci-fi series. 225 00:18:41,802 --> 00:18:44,999 Starring Nick Marlowe as the wry Colonel Danning. 226 00:18:45,082 --> 00:18:48,154 As a matter of fact, it does say Colonel on my uniform. 227 00:18:49,682 --> 00:18:52,515 There's no such thing as original thought any more. 228 00:18:52,602 --> 00:18:56,072 We're all just regurgitating the same old ideas over and over, 229 00:18:56,162 --> 00:18:59,313 boiling them down to a giant melting pot of mediocrity. 230 00:18:59,402 --> 00:19:02,599 ...Douglas Anders as Grell the robot. 231 00:19:06,922 --> 00:19:09,880 "Wormhole X-treme." Coming this fall. 232 00:19:10,442 --> 00:19:12,433 They stole my idea. 233 00:19:15,682 --> 00:19:19,072 (Fred) Whatever happened to that lawsuit you guys had against... 234 00:19:19,162 --> 00:19:21,995 - What was that show called? - (Joe) Wormhole X-treme? 235 00:19:22,082 --> 00:19:25,518 - It was cancelled after only one episode. - Bad ratings. 236 00:19:25,602 --> 00:19:29,277 I liked it. Not as much as your stories, boss. 237 00:19:30,402 --> 00:19:34,111 Actually, I have a new one. Just came to me last night. 238 00:19:34,202 --> 00:19:38,241 SG-1 finds out there's a giant asteroid headed toward Earth. 239 00:19:38,322 --> 00:19:40,313 I saw the movie. It hits Paris. 240 00:19:40,402 --> 00:19:43,758 Nah, this is different. It starts when an amateur astronomer... 241 00:19:43,842 --> 00:19:48,313 Actually, Joe, if it's all right with you, I'm not really in the mood. 242 00:19:48,402 --> 00:19:51,633 Come on, now! Don't you wanna know how SG-1 stops it? 243 00:19:51,722 --> 00:19:57,592 Here, I'll just tell you. Major Carter is able to expand the hyperspace window... 244 00:19:57,682 --> 00:20:01,834 No offence, but how many times can these folks save the world from Apophis? 245 00:20:03,282 --> 00:20:07,036 - What's it up to now? Five, six times? - (Joe) This story's about Anubis. 246 00:20:07,122 --> 00:20:10,876 What's the diff? You know what I'm saying? It's getting repetitive. 247 00:20:10,962 --> 00:20:15,956 I mean, come on. There must be other things we can talk about besides SG-1. 248 00:20:20,002 --> 00:20:21,993 You guys play golf? 249 00:20:24,002 --> 00:20:25,879 (frantic typing) 250 00:20:30,762 --> 00:20:32,753 Joe, I need to talk to you. 251 00:20:32,842 --> 00:20:35,310 - Just a second. I'm in the zone. - Stop typing. 252 00:20:35,402 --> 00:20:37,916 - I'm writing. - Please. 253 00:20:38,002 --> 00:20:41,153 - What's up? - I want you to stop. 254 00:20:41,242 --> 00:20:43,392 I just did. 255 00:20:43,482 --> 00:20:46,679 - I mean permanently. - What?! 256 00:20:46,762 --> 00:20:49,674 - I've been going over our bills. - Sharlene... 257 00:20:49,762 --> 00:20:53,994 Joe, you closed the shop early three times this week to come home and write. 258 00:20:54,082 --> 00:20:57,233 I closed the shop because business has been slow. 259 00:20:57,322 --> 00:21:01,235 - And you don't see the connection? - Once I get a few stories published, 260 00:21:01,322 --> 00:21:04,075 land an agent, things'll get better. 261 00:21:09,762 --> 00:21:14,677 326. That's how many rejection letters you've received. 262 00:21:14,762 --> 00:21:17,230 You only need one yes. 263 00:21:17,322 --> 00:21:21,031 They're not reading them any more, just sending them back unopened! 264 00:21:21,122 --> 00:21:25,035 - Bert and Gordie like them. - They work for you. What can they say? 265 00:21:25,122 --> 00:21:27,113 You haven't even read them all. 266 00:21:27,202 --> 00:21:30,558 I read "Holiday", "The Light", "The Sentinel". 267 00:21:30,642 --> 00:21:33,952 OK, I admit those may have been a few small missteps. 268 00:21:34,042 --> 00:21:37,432 - But on the whole they're getting better. - I don't know. 269 00:21:37,522 --> 00:21:40,912 Well, what do you think the problem is? Maybe I can fix it. 270 00:21:41,002 --> 00:21:46,520 Well, for one, it seems to me like the team interaction isn't the way it used to be. 271 00:21:47,322 --> 00:21:49,961 - You hate them all? - No, I don't. 272 00:21:50,042 --> 00:21:52,158 I hate what this is doing to you. 273 00:21:53,722 --> 00:21:56,361 - You really want me to stop? - Joe... 274 00:21:56,442 --> 00:22:01,152 How can this really be more important than your livelihood, than your family? 275 00:22:02,922 --> 00:22:06,073 Honestly, Sharlene, I don't think I can stop. 276 00:22:06,842 --> 00:22:09,072 Why not? 277 00:22:09,162 --> 00:22:12,711 These stories... I think... 278 00:22:13,522 --> 00:22:17,800 - Think? You think what? - I think they're real, Sharlene. 279 00:22:21,162 --> 00:22:25,201 I'm not making them up. They're happening. Somewhere. 280 00:22:25,282 --> 00:22:28,831 - I see them, and it's because of the stone. - Oh, Joe. 281 00:22:28,922 --> 00:22:34,235 I can't explain it. Somehow I think it allows me to see these incredible things. 282 00:22:34,322 --> 00:22:38,918 - That you believe are really happening? - Yes. Here, try it. 283 00:22:39,002 --> 00:22:40,754 Where is it? 284 00:22:40,842 --> 00:22:42,594 Joe... 285 00:22:42,682 --> 00:22:44,673 Did you take it? 286 00:22:44,762 --> 00:22:47,481 Sharlene? What'd you do with it? 287 00:22:47,562 --> 00:22:50,554 Sharlene! What have you done with my stone?! 288 00:22:53,242 --> 00:22:55,437 (Sharlene) It was for your own good! 289 00:22:56,962 --> 00:22:59,032 Whoa. 290 00:22:59,122 --> 00:23:01,113 Has he totally lost it, or what? 291 00:23:03,082 --> 00:23:05,357 Joe, please. You need help. 292 00:23:07,722 --> 00:23:10,475 Son... if you know where it is, just tell me. 293 00:23:10,562 --> 00:23:13,838 - I'm not mad. I just need my stone. - Mom? 294 00:23:13,922 --> 00:23:16,641 You leave him out of this. 295 00:23:16,722 --> 00:23:19,441 Joe, please! You're scaring us. 296 00:23:36,122 --> 00:23:36,918 Yes! 297 00:23:39,002 --> 00:23:42,836 - Where are you going? - I don't know. 298 00:23:58,642 --> 00:24:00,633 No! 299 00:24:01,802 --> 00:24:03,793 He can't be gone. 300 00:24:06,762 --> 00:24:08,753 He's dead. 301 00:24:10,922 --> 00:24:12,913 (sobs) 302 00:24:13,002 --> 00:24:15,391 Daniel's dead! 303 00:24:21,002 --> 00:24:23,391 He can't be gone. 304 00:24:31,802 --> 00:24:34,555 Gordie, you're wearing out the floor. 305 00:24:35,562 --> 00:24:37,553 - Calvin. - Gentlemen. 306 00:24:39,842 --> 00:24:43,551 - Slow day? - What have you got, Calvin? 307 00:24:44,282 --> 00:24:49,197 Looks like a stack of bills and a couple more letters from those magazines. 308 00:24:49,282 --> 00:24:50,840 Toss 'em. 309 00:24:50,922 --> 00:24:54,756 There's, uh... also another letter here from the air force. 310 00:24:56,722 --> 00:24:58,713 You read it. 311 00:25:06,562 --> 00:25:11,636 "Dear Mr Spencer. Regarding your request to meet with Colonel Jack O'Neill, 312 00:25:11,722 --> 00:25:14,555 "we regret to inform you that..." 313 00:25:16,922 --> 00:25:19,641 Hey. Joe. 314 00:25:19,722 --> 00:25:24,637 If you're so sure this is all real, why don't you follow it up with more than letters? 315 00:25:25,082 --> 00:25:28,119 Call them up, tell them what you know. If it really is true... 316 00:25:28,202 --> 00:25:31,160 Are you kidding? I'd disappear in a heartbeat. 317 00:25:31,242 --> 00:25:32,914 - You think? - Believe me, 318 00:25:33,002 --> 00:25:35,470 if the government didn't get me, NID is sure to. 319 00:25:35,562 --> 00:25:37,632 I've seen it happen. 320 00:25:37,722 --> 00:25:41,158 Do you remember Armin Selig? Dead. 321 00:25:42,962 --> 00:25:44,361 Right. 322 00:25:47,602 --> 00:25:49,160 Well... 323 00:25:49,242 --> 00:25:53,281 Look, I... gotta get back to my route now. 324 00:25:54,402 --> 00:25:57,599 - You guys take care. - Thanks, Calvin. 325 00:26:23,482 --> 00:26:25,473 Hi, Jack. 326 00:26:30,042 --> 00:26:31,236 Daniel. 327 00:26:31,802 --> 00:26:35,681 I leave, and look at the mess you get yourself into. 328 00:26:38,282 --> 00:26:40,273 Yes! (laughs) 329 00:26:41,402 --> 00:26:44,155 Yes! (laughs) 330 00:26:45,082 --> 00:26:47,471 Sharlene! You won't... 331 00:26:48,802 --> 00:26:52,397 Sharlene! Sharlene, you won't believe it. 332 00:26:52,482 --> 00:26:54,791 Sharlene? Oh, there you are. 333 00:26:54,882 --> 00:26:57,555 Honey, it's incredible - Daniel's still alive. 334 00:26:57,642 --> 00:27:01,476 I know he ascended to a higher plane of existence, but he... 335 00:27:01,562 --> 00:27:05,111 - What are you doing? - Andy and I are going to my mother's. 336 00:27:05,202 --> 00:27:08,672 If you have even the slightest interest in saving our marriage, 337 00:27:08,762 --> 00:27:13,358 - you'll see someone who can help you. - Sharlene, I don't need a shrink. Sharlene! 338 00:27:13,442 --> 00:27:16,320 Honey, don't do this. Please! 339 00:27:17,242 --> 00:27:22,236 Come on! Honey, come on, we can work things out. 340 00:27:22,322 --> 00:27:26,679 Sharlene, look, our problems are small compared... 341 00:27:26,762 --> 00:27:29,959 Wait, just... Let's talk. Can we just talk this out? 342 00:27:30,042 --> 00:27:32,397 Goodbye, Joe. I'll call you later. 343 00:27:33,402 --> 00:27:34,994 Sharlene! 344 00:27:36,002 --> 00:27:37,993 Wait! Sharlene! 345 00:27:46,442 --> 00:27:50,037 (Joe) "Dear Colonel O'Neill, I understand you are a very busy man. 346 00:27:50,122 --> 00:27:55,435 "However, I wonder if you are getting all the correspondence I send you. 347 00:27:55,522 --> 00:27:59,674 "I have written you many letters and left messages for you with the air force, 348 00:27:59,762 --> 00:28:04,392 "but I have yet to receive any kind of response from you. 349 00:28:04,482 --> 00:28:06,473 "Because of this, I have no choice 350 00:28:06,562 --> 00:28:10,316 "but to take my life into my own hands and come clean with you. 351 00:28:10,402 --> 00:28:12,393 "I know everything." 352 00:28:14,522 --> 00:28:18,151 - Gordie! You scared the hell out of me. - I'm sorry. 353 00:28:18,242 --> 00:28:22,030 It's OK, Gordie. I'm just... glad it's you. 354 00:28:22,122 --> 00:28:25,034 If it's OK with you, me and Bert are gonna head home. 355 00:28:25,122 --> 00:28:28,080 - It looks like nobody's coming in again. - Yeah. 356 00:28:28,162 --> 00:28:32,474 Look, I know this is kind of a bad time, but... 357 00:28:37,002 --> 00:28:40,790 - What is it, Gordie? - Well, it's been really slow around here, 358 00:28:40,882 --> 00:28:45,797 and I kind of dropped off an application at the Piggly Wiggly. 359 00:28:47,842 --> 00:28:50,754 I understand. You gotta do what you gotta do. 360 00:28:50,842 --> 00:28:53,197 - Thanks, boss. Good night. - (thud) 361 00:28:54,282 --> 00:28:56,034 G'night. 362 00:29:27,562 --> 00:29:29,951 (Carter) Activating hyperdrive. 363 00:29:32,162 --> 00:29:34,198 Standing straight up. 364 00:29:40,842 --> 00:29:44,039 (man) Come on, boys. 365 00:29:53,682 --> 00:29:54,558 (gunshot) 366 00:30:03,562 --> 00:30:05,678 Sir! 367 00:30:29,562 --> 00:30:32,076 Thanks for seeing me. You look great. 368 00:30:33,682 --> 00:30:36,116 - How are you? - Oh, I'm good. 369 00:30:36,202 --> 00:30:38,193 Very good. 370 00:30:41,122 --> 00:30:44,876 Sharlene, I'm... I'm sorry about everything that's happened. 371 00:30:44,962 --> 00:30:47,840 I drove you and Andy away. I understand that now. 372 00:30:47,922 --> 00:30:50,117 - Joe... - Just let me finish. 373 00:30:50,202 --> 00:30:53,877 I was too wrapped up in the stories to realise what was important. 374 00:30:53,962 --> 00:30:58,478 I promise I will focus on rebuilding my business, on providing for my family, 375 00:30:58,562 --> 00:31:00,598 if you'll give me another chance. 376 00:31:00,682 --> 00:31:04,755 It was never about the money, Joe. It was your obsession with that stone. 377 00:31:04,842 --> 00:31:07,561 I know, I know. And I owe you both an explanation. 378 00:31:07,642 --> 00:31:10,839 That's why I brought you proof that my visions are real. 379 00:31:10,922 --> 00:31:13,595 This is what Jack O'Neill actually looks like. 380 00:31:13,682 --> 00:31:16,640 I know what you're thinking, but I saw this image in my mind 381 00:31:16,722 --> 00:31:18,917 - long before it was in the paper. - Joe... 382 00:31:19,002 --> 00:31:23,234 And here. This report about massive solar-flare activity from six years ago 383 00:31:23,322 --> 00:31:27,679 coincides with the time SG-1 destroyed Apophis's fleet. 384 00:31:27,762 --> 00:31:30,913 And this, about the sinking of a Russian submarine. 385 00:31:31,002 --> 00:31:35,951 It happened the same time Anubis's ship crashed into the Pacific Ocean. 386 00:31:36,042 --> 00:31:41,070 You're using real people and events and incorporating them in your fantasies. 387 00:31:41,162 --> 00:31:44,199 They're not fantasies! O'Neill is head of Stargate Command. 388 00:31:44,282 --> 00:31:47,513 There is no Stargate Command! 389 00:31:49,082 --> 00:31:53,439 Listen to me. I've been talking to several doctors about your symptoms. 390 00:31:53,522 --> 00:31:58,073 They think that you might be suffering from something called manic psychosis, 391 00:31:58,162 --> 00:32:00,312 combined with grandiose delusions. 392 00:32:00,402 --> 00:32:06,591 But, with therapy and medication, you could probably live a normal life. 393 00:32:06,682 --> 00:32:08,798 Oh, my God! 394 00:32:08,882 --> 00:32:12,761 They're fighting in Antarctica, for Earth's very survival. 395 00:32:19,442 --> 00:32:21,797 Anubis's fleet is in orbit above us right now. 396 00:32:21,882 --> 00:32:23,759 Joe, stop it. It's not real. 397 00:32:23,842 --> 00:32:28,358 You don't understand. If Jack can't find a way to use the Ancients' technology, 398 00:32:28,442 --> 00:32:30,910 - we're all dead! - Goodbye, Joe. 399 00:32:32,322 --> 00:32:34,836 It's happening, Sharlene! 400 00:32:34,922 --> 00:32:37,311 You'll see! It's real! 401 00:33:19,242 --> 00:33:23,679 OK, look. This obviously isn't your forte. 402 00:33:23,762 --> 00:33:26,993 So why don't you just put the gun down before you get hurt? 403 00:33:27,082 --> 00:33:29,277 Don't come any closer! 404 00:33:29,362 --> 00:33:31,557 I know your gun isn't real. 405 00:33:32,522 --> 00:33:34,513 However... mine is. 406 00:33:34,602 --> 00:33:37,514 Oh, God! I'm sorry. You're right. It's just a toy. 407 00:33:37,602 --> 00:33:40,639 - Please don't shoot me. - I'm not gonna shoot ya. 408 00:33:40,722 --> 00:33:44,556 I'm sorry. I just thought it was the only way to make you listen to me. 409 00:33:44,642 --> 00:33:48,715 Oh, where you're going... people will listen. 410 00:33:48,802 --> 00:33:51,362 They got nothing to do but listen to you. 411 00:33:51,442 --> 00:33:54,081 They got nice white coats, padded walls... 412 00:33:54,162 --> 00:33:58,394 Please, wait! You're Brigadier General Jack O'Neill. 413 00:33:58,482 --> 00:34:01,997 Head of Stargate Command at Cheyenne Mountain. 414 00:34:02,082 --> 00:34:03,595 You used to command SG-1, 415 00:34:03,682 --> 00:34:07,391 which is now led by Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter. 416 00:34:07,482 --> 00:34:09,518 You once visited a planet called Argos, 417 00:34:09,602 --> 00:34:13,038 and the nanites in your blood caused you to age artificially. 418 00:34:13,122 --> 00:34:16,558 You had the entire repository of the Ancients' knowledge 419 00:34:16,642 --> 00:34:18,997 downloaded into your brain, twice. 420 00:34:19,082 --> 00:34:23,519 You have a thing for The Simpsons, fishing, Mary Steenburgen, 421 00:34:23,602 --> 00:34:26,799 the colour peridot, and you're a terrible ping-pong player. 422 00:34:26,882 --> 00:34:30,272 - Have we met? - My name is Joe Spencer. I'm a barber. 423 00:34:31,402 --> 00:34:34,235 It's all true, isn't it? Everything I've seen. 424 00:34:34,322 --> 00:34:40,158 The Stargate, the Goa'uld, the Asgards. It's all real. 425 00:34:40,242 --> 00:34:43,279 Tell me it's real. I need to know. 426 00:34:45,202 --> 00:34:47,193 First of all, Joe... 427 00:34:48,042 --> 00:34:50,556 I'm not a terrible ping-pong player. 428 00:34:59,802 --> 00:35:02,714 Between you and me, I totally see the analogy. 429 00:35:02,802 --> 00:35:06,556 - Burns as Goa'uld. - Thank you. 430 00:35:06,642 --> 00:35:11,113 And don't worry. I won't say a word about your feelings for... 431 00:35:13,562 --> 00:35:19,353 It's an honour. I don't know how to thank you for all you've done for our planet. 432 00:35:19,442 --> 00:35:22,912 - There are not enough words. - It's nice to meet you, too. 433 00:35:23,002 --> 00:35:25,596 - Joe Spencer. - I was particularly impressed 434 00:35:25,682 --> 00:35:28,150 with the time you blew up that sun. 435 00:35:28,242 --> 00:35:30,358 Well, thank you. I had a bit of help. 436 00:35:30,442 --> 00:35:33,798 - And as far as the whole Pete Shanahan... - Joe. 437 00:35:33,882 --> 00:35:37,670 Dr Jackson, can I just say, thank goodness you're back. 438 00:35:37,762 --> 00:35:42,677 Jonas wasn't a bad guy. But after all you went through together, you belong here. 439 00:35:42,762 --> 00:35:44,992 Thank you. Jack? 440 00:35:45,082 --> 00:35:47,152 He's a barber. 441 00:35:47,242 --> 00:35:49,802 - Broke into your house? - Yeah. 442 00:35:49,882 --> 00:35:52,874 - Second week in a row. - Mm-hm. 443 00:35:52,962 --> 00:35:55,999 - Alarm. - I'm thinking dog. 444 00:35:56,082 --> 00:35:59,279 You could try locking your front door. 445 00:36:11,042 --> 00:36:13,033 Shel kek nem Ron. 446 00:36:15,202 --> 00:36:17,841 Joe, the barber. 447 00:36:17,922 --> 00:36:19,913 Please be seated. 448 00:36:21,162 --> 00:36:23,153 What have you got there, Carter? 449 00:36:23,242 --> 00:36:26,552 Initial tests show Joe has the same Ancient gene as you. 450 00:36:26,642 --> 00:36:31,511 If you ever need me to use the chair device in Antarctica, in defence of Earth, 451 00:36:31,602 --> 00:36:33,752 - I'm there. - Thank you. 452 00:36:38,202 --> 00:36:41,319 Other than that, his physiology is completely normal. 453 00:36:41,402 --> 00:36:44,041 Do not a great many people possess this Ancient gene? 454 00:36:44,122 --> 00:36:46,636 Yeah. How come I'm the only one seeing these things? 455 00:36:46,722 --> 00:36:49,077 Yes. Good question. Pray tell. 456 00:36:49,162 --> 00:36:52,677 Unfortunately, our knowledge of Ancient physiology is limited. 457 00:36:52,762 --> 00:36:55,913 We also know that Joe has somehow managed to gain access 458 00:36:56,002 --> 00:36:59,961 to huge amounts of classified information, mainly in regard to SG-1, 459 00:37:00,042 --> 00:37:03,830 and that these visions are somehow connected to the stone he found. 460 00:37:03,922 --> 00:37:08,473 - Anything on that? - Daniel said it seemed familiar. 461 00:37:08,562 --> 00:37:12,441 You claim to receive these visions only within the proximity of the stone. 462 00:37:12,522 --> 00:37:16,310 Perhaps there's a connection between it and your genetic predispositions. 463 00:37:16,402 --> 00:37:21,351 I know the hair makes you look different, but didn't you used to be gold-coloured? 464 00:37:22,362 --> 00:37:24,671 I think I got it. 465 00:37:24,762 --> 00:37:27,322 Took me a while to track it down, but... 466 00:37:28,682 --> 00:37:30,877 - You have one, too? - They're a set. 467 00:37:30,962 --> 00:37:32,759 Jack, remember P3R-233? 468 00:37:32,842 --> 00:37:35,879 You found a quantum mirror that sent you to an alternate reality 469 00:37:35,962 --> 00:37:37,918 where the Goa'uld invaded Earth. 470 00:37:44,402 --> 00:37:46,552 - Hey, fella. - Hey, Jack. 471 00:37:46,642 --> 00:37:51,397 - This all the stuff we brought back from... - P3R-233. Want to help me catalogue it? 472 00:37:51,482 --> 00:37:53,757 You bet! My favourite. 473 00:37:53,842 --> 00:37:57,835 But it's all gonna have to wait. Hammond called a briefing. 474 00:37:57,922 --> 00:38:00,152 We got some intel back... 475 00:38:00,242 --> 00:38:04,474 indicating that Apophis might not be so dead as we thought. 476 00:38:07,042 --> 00:38:09,033 Something about... 477 00:38:10,362 --> 00:38:12,193 Chulak. 478 00:38:12,282 --> 00:38:14,796 The stones are an Ancient communication device, 479 00:38:14,882 --> 00:38:17,874 allowing you to see events through a psychic connection. 480 00:38:17,962 --> 00:38:21,671 Jack activated the link between the stones by picking up the second one. 481 00:38:21,762 --> 00:38:26,040 Then all that's required is a proximity to the stone for the connection to activate. 482 00:38:26,122 --> 00:38:28,682 As the stone was stored in the base archives... 483 00:38:28,762 --> 00:38:31,834 But that doesn't explain how the other stone got to the... 484 00:38:31,922 --> 00:38:35,119 - Where was it? - A garage sale. 485 00:38:35,202 --> 00:38:40,196 The person who sold it to me said his grandfather found it on a dig in Egypt. 486 00:38:40,282 --> 00:38:42,512 (Carter) What about the proximity issue? 487 00:38:42,602 --> 00:38:45,560 If the stone General O'Neill touched was kept here, 488 00:38:45,642 --> 00:38:48,110 how could Joe see what happened to him offworld? 489 00:38:48,202 --> 00:38:52,480 He was getting most of it from when Jack was writing reports here on the base. 490 00:38:52,562 --> 00:38:54,712 The stone was stored a few levels above. 491 00:38:54,802 --> 00:38:57,111 That's why the stories were so easy to write! 492 00:38:57,202 --> 00:39:00,592 It was like someone else had done most of the work for me. 493 00:39:00,682 --> 00:39:04,072 And... you say they all got rejected? 494 00:39:06,682 --> 00:39:09,913 Wait a second. If the stones work the way Daniel says, 495 00:39:10,002 --> 00:39:13,790 shouldn't General O'Neill have been able to see elements of Joe's life? 496 00:39:13,882 --> 00:39:16,191 Theoretically, yes, he would. 497 00:39:30,722 --> 00:39:34,840 - Bowling league, Thursday nights? - You saw that? 498 00:39:35,442 --> 00:39:38,036 - You got game, son. - (Daniel) Wait a minute, Jack. 499 00:39:38,122 --> 00:39:41,956 You've seen parts of the life of a barber in Indiana for seven years, 500 00:39:42,042 --> 00:39:44,158 and you never mentioned it? 501 00:39:44,242 --> 00:39:47,279 Yeah. Sure I did. I know I did. 502 00:39:51,522 --> 00:39:53,592 No. No, you didn't, sir. 503 00:39:54,202 --> 00:39:56,511 I didn't? 504 00:39:58,682 --> 00:40:00,877 You didn't find that the least bit odd? 505 00:40:00,962 --> 00:40:05,399 Actually, no. I found it quite... relaxing. 506 00:40:14,642 --> 00:40:15,518 Sharlene. 507 00:40:15,602 --> 00:40:19,800 I only have about ten minutes, and then I need to get right back to work. 508 00:40:19,882 --> 00:40:23,192 There's no easy way to say this: I want a divorce. 509 00:40:23,282 --> 00:40:25,398 I know. I mean, you have every right to. 510 00:40:25,482 --> 00:40:30,602 But before we get to that, there's someone who'd like to meet you. 511 00:40:30,682 --> 00:40:32,673 Here he comes now. 512 00:40:35,442 --> 00:40:40,516 Sharlene, meet General Jack O'Neill of the United States Air Force. 513 00:40:42,762 --> 00:40:45,640 It's a pleasure to meet you, ma'am. 514 00:40:47,122 --> 00:40:50,512 I think we have some things to talk about. 515 00:41:15,242 --> 00:41:17,233 Visiontext Subtitles: Stephanie Donohue 516 00:41:41,242 --> 00:41:43,233 ENHOH