This is definitely my hero.
This is a production meeting.
Scene one, Felger's lab. Jay Felger and his cute assistant Chloe
are looking over a high-tech device. Dialogue, dialogue, dialogue...
This is the beginning of ''Avenger 2.0''. This is the blow-up scene.
And your guest cameraman, Amy, will shoot this for you,
cos l have to watch TV.
My friends, welcome to the 22nd century.
Amazing amount of destruction will happen, without affecting the gun itself.
But it will look like it can't work ever again.
Lights flicker and die. Scene two, corridor.
They can flicker, flicker... Bfff, everything goes off.
And we don't want any emergency lighting coming on at this point.
lt comes on when we go back to the lab.
- You wanna go to pitch black? - No, we can go to movie black.
Scene five, Hammond's office.
lt'll start outside Hammond's office and go into the boardroom.
Evil Kenny, the props person, and Paul, the on-set decorator,
will crazily put this back together.
Action!
No, please, General. lt was a minor glitch. We are so close to a working prototype.
You've said that for the last six months. ln fact, l've reviewed your records.
Most of the projects you've overseen during your tenure here
have been similarly long on promise and short on results.
What exactly are you saying?
l'm saying it may be time for the Air Force to rethink your position here.
''Avenger 2.0'' brings back our hapless friend Felger from ''The Other Guys''.
He comes up with a virus that is supposed to infect the gate
and be a weapon against the Goa'uld,
but instead it infects the entire gate network,
stranding many of our teams offworld, including O'Neill, Teal'c and Daniel.
Felger, his assistant Chloe and myself have to figure out how to stop the virus.
l told you not to trust that brown-nosin' little weasel!
Patrick, here we are in your humble abode.
This is room two of my humble abode. We're cleaning up the messy part.
lt's nice. Sexy, actually.
How do you combat the amorous feelings for Felger?
- lt's not easy. - No?
You know, if occasionally her hand wanders down to his bum,
maybe she's just reaching for her pen. You never know.
(knock at door)
Just a minute.
Ever wondered how you do a peephole shot? This is how:
you look through a peephole.
l'm holding a light, because there's no room for a stand.
Oh, jeez...
What's gonna happen with you and Felger in season eight?
Season what?
l'll be with you in a second. Just, you know, puttin' the dogs out.
- Season nine? - What?
What's gonna happen with you and Felger in season nine and ten?
- Oh, Major Carter. - l was in the neighbourhood.
Our excess amazes me. We need all these trucks
just for a video-camera shoot of Michael in the rain.
Right now, Chris Judge is in the tent doing a video shoot. Let's take a look.
Coming up on The Lowdown, a preview of season seven,
featuring some great adventures and some of the lows.
(forced laugh)
What's happening in here is l'm gonna put Michael in the dark, at night, in the rain.
We create rain with the rain wands and lightning machines,
and it makes it look like the world that he's on is being destroyed - l hope.
Within 48 hours the entire city will be under water.
We're gonna ask the location manager where we're headed.
- Want me to operate the camera? - No. Where we goin'?
We're going to Tynehead Park.
There's 43 shows, and l think 37 times...
- You overcounted one. - 36.
36 times l've shot at Tynehead Park.
lt's beautiful.
This is where we'll do it.
What are you doing?
Feeding the ducks.
Sir, we are doing scenes 15, 16, 1 7 and 18.
We're gonna clear this hallway. We gotta clear all these people outta here.
Those people here have to go, all of them.
- Patrick, when you kiss Amanda... - (laughs)
..l just wanna show you what l think you should do. OK, Amanda...
- Binaca, please. - Amanda...
Amanda... Ready?
No.
- What do you think, Don? - l think this is a zoo.
Look at this. lt's a fake gate.
lt's a screen we put up sometimes to use for reflection.
Our DP is inventive because he doesn't have the money to make real puddles.
Who doesn't give him enough money? The production manager - John Lenic.
Here's the guy who invented it.
You can't let financial considerations get in the way of artistic endeavour.
lnteractive. Good livin'.
So we start looking at a practical puddle, but it will be replaced with a real one,
come around as they come in
and end up behind them, looking back at the reflection of the practical puddle.
Wanna know who rolls the gate? Roll the gate.
OK, watch this. Here comes the big wall.
That's Dave Walker, grip extraordinaire.
That's cool too.
Evil Kenny, what is this stuff?
Stuff that l wouldn't put in there, but it looks good on camera.
- So it doesn't actually do anything? - No! This is sci-fi. This is fake.
OK, this is the end of the movie where Felger is having a dream.
He wakes up and we end up on the same shot we ended ''The Other Guys'' on.
This is how it actually happens behind the scenes.
- l was so worried about you. - lt was no big deal.
Those Jaffa, they could have killed you.
Not a chance, baby.
What is this?
Oh...
Hi, guys.
l know we're not really supposed to be... fraternising, but, hey.
l turn by back for two seconds and you take up with this... trollop?
Don't blame me just because you were never woman enough to satisfy him.
That is it.
(gasping and grunting)
- Ladies, please. This isn't necessary. - Sh. Don't talk.
Jay? Jay?
And poke him...
- Jay? - Again. Keep your finger up there.
- Jay! - What? What?
What were you thinking about?
Let's hope her shirt isn't ripped like that.
(gasps) Oh, my God!
OK.
ENHOH